Always on my mind
by XxFutureWWEDivaxX
Summary: Once someone has your heart; The thought of them will never leave your mind. Even up until you take your last breath. This story is a Fanfiction Award Winner FFAW


She closed her eyes for a brief moment as she glanced at her familiar surroundings. It was then she realized just how long she had been away for. Eight years to be exact. A small smile soon came to her face as she made her way towards the beach. In just under fifteen minuets she would have to be down on this particular beach, but just a little further up where she was from. For the wedding.

She lifted up her dress slightly as she made her way through the sand towards the water. She placed her feet in the water and continued walking until she was knee deep. The fresh smell of the salt water made her smile grow even bigger then it already was.

Back when she used to live here, she would often find herself coming to the beach, whether it was to just relax, or to get away from everything. This was one of the things she missed. When she had moved, she thought she was making the right choice. There was only one thing keeping her here, and that was him.

She shook her head, she didn't want any thoughts of _him_ coming to her head at this particular moment. She just wanted to enjoy the feeling of the water on her legs, and the fresh smell of sea salt.

She didn't know how long she was standing there, but it wasn't until she heard her name being called that she snapped herself back into reality and ran back towards the house, making sure to pick up her shoes on the way there.

"Sorry" She whispered to her best friend. Layla just nodded her head and smiled, understanding what her best friend had been doing.

"You miss it ha?" Layla aksed. Mickie merely nodded.

"More than anyone will know.." Mickie breathed out. She gathered herself together, quickly fixing her hair, before it was time to leave and move just a little further up the beach.

_X_

Her breath caught as she looked down the aisle. It was beautiful. White petals were scattered on the ground, flowers were sitting nicely in vases ontop of white stands. It was simple, yet perfect. Just as she knew it would be.

She held the small bouquet of flowers in her hand and she slowly breathed in and out. Her eyes were closed for a small duration of her walk to the alter, but she knew all eyes were on here.

_Did they not expect me to show up_? She thought as she heard low gasps coming from a few peoples mouths, but she didn't bother to take any notice to who those people gasping at her were. She had one mission, and that was to make it to the alter.

She stopped briefly as she stood a few feet in front of the groom. But her eyes weren't on him, they were on the person standing next to him. His best man. Once again, her breathing hitched and she closed her eyes as _he_ looked over at her. She fought the urge to let a tear slip out of her eyes and she made her way up the small steps so she was standing just a few feet away from the Groom.

She smiled as she heard the familiar music and her smile grew wider as she saw everyone stand up on their feet.

Her smile faltered a little as she felt _his_ eyes on her. But when she stole a glance at him, his gaze was focused on Layla.

Layla made her way up the aisle, her white gown flowing behind her, her hair was tied back in a bun with a few loose strands of hair shaping her face. In one hand, she had her bouquet of flowers, and her other arm was wrapped tightly around her fathers arm.

Once Layla had kissed her fathers cheek, and her father had reluctantly let her go, she turned to her Maid of honor and smiled.

"I never got a chance to say this to you before you came out.." she whispered quickly "But thank you for coming back home today Mickie, and being my Maid or Honor"

Mickie just blew a kiss in Laylas direction and smiled.

There was a part of Mickie the envied Layla. Mickie would be the first to admit, she wasn't the type of girl who was planning her wedding when she was little, she was more of the, go outside kind of girls. But as the days to _this_ wedding drew closer and closer, Mickie kept thinking about herself getting married, would she even get married? That was the question in her head.

There was once a time when Mickie could picture herself in a cream colored gown, walking up the aisle and glancing at the man of her dreams. Of course, those thoughts had stopped once she had walked away from this place, but most importantly, her dreams of having a wedding had stopped when she walked away from _him. _

Plastering a smile on her face, Mickie looked towards the bride and groom, who were currently in the middle of their vows. Her forced smile turned into a genuine one, once she had heard the love declared between the two. She held onto the bouquet of flowers tightly as she noticed the rings being placed on their fingers.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I now give to you… Mr and Mrs Gabriel"

Loud cheers were heard from the guests as Layla and Justin clasped their hands together and lifted them up in the air.

Mickie waited patiently as Justin and Layla had walked down the aisle before she slowly followed behind, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone as she did so. She already felt awkward being here, after not coming back in eight years, and she didn't want to see any of the pity looks from her old 'friends' and her family.

Once she made it inside, without being disturbed, she started to unzip her dress, as she wanted to slip into something more comfortable for the reception.

She let a lone tear slip down her cheek as she glanced outside the window and saw him smiling and laughing away with other guests. She missed him, that was for sure. Her heart ached whenever she thought of him, those bright blue eyes, those muscles the would hold her tightly and tell her everything would be okay. She missed him, and it didn't take a fool to know that… she was indeed, still in love with him.

Once Mickie had made it down to reception, she saw an empty table at the back, where no one was sitting. So she placed her purse down on the table, and poured a glass of wine from one of the bottles that were sitting on the table.

As she sat there, watching everyone else dance, smile and laugh, it gave her time to think about the day she left, and why she left.

It was a little over eight years ago when her father passed away. It broke Mickie, it hurt her so bad. Not only had she lost a father, but she had lost a best friend. Her dad would always be there for her, whenever she felt like nobody else was. But once he passed, Mickie knew she couldn't stay at her home anymore. She had to leave.

It was a week later when she confronted _him_ and told him her plans to leave, to leave everything that reminded her of her fathers death. It may have sounded like a weak thing to do, but she couldn't handle it there anymore. Everyone had supported her decision, she just didn't understand why he couldn't.

He had offered to come with her, he would've gone with her…. But if only she let him. She had told him to stay behind and finish his aprentership in mechanics. He wanted to open up his own garage, and this was the perfect place to do it. So she told him to stay.

Mickies head shot up as she heard her name being called. Quickly wiping away her tears, Mickie stood up and placed her Champaign glass down on the table.

"Oh Mickie.. Thank you so much for coming…" Layla smiled as she pulled in her best friend for a hug.

"Youre welcome Lay. Im glad you are happy…" she then turned to face Justin, a man who she had practically grown up with, well, ever since her had moved from South Africa to America when he was young. "Its about time you put a ring on her finger and wiffed her up"

"Well, you know me.. I always take my time with things and those I love" he smiled. He then pulled her into a tight embrace and they both heard Layla say the her father was expecting a dance as she walked off to find him.

"Congratulations Justin…" Mickie whispered as she placed a hand on her best friends cheek "If any two people in the world deserve to be happy.. Its you two."

"Thanks Mick" Justin smiled, he leaned into Mickies hand before pulling away and bringing her in for another hug. "It means so much, not only to Lay, but to me also that you came… I-I didn't expect you to come.."

"I know.." a small, sad smile appeared on Mickies face "and judging by the sound of people gasping while I was walking up that aisle.. Neither did a whole lot of others"

"You had good reasons to leave Mickie. Some people were just too blind to realize how bad being here hurt you.." Justin sent a sympathetic smile towards Mickie and she smiled back.

"Well… im here now, and I see that your wife is waiting for you…" Mickie smiled, she leaned up and placed a kiss on Justins cheek "Thank you for both of you constantly ringing me, and updating me on…. _him _and well, just ringing to talk to me_._ I-I really apreciate it."

"It wasn't a biggie" Justin shrugged "Are you leaving already?"

Mickie just nodded and pulled Justin in for a final hug "Give Lay a hug for me, and tell her to ring me any time she wants. Heck, I might even pop in every once in a while to come and see the happy couple.."

"We would like that" Came Justins reply as he began to walk away.

"Stay happy Justin. Love Layla with all your heart. Because if you hurt her, I wouldn't hesitate to come and hurt you…" Mickie gave a small joke at the end, which also had a hint of seriousness to it.

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Plus, I wouldn't doubt that you would kick my ass." Justin laughed before disappearing into the crowd to find his wife.

Mickie ran her hands down her black dress that ended just before her knees, before she started making her way to the table that she had occupied a few moments earlier. Once she had grabbed her purse, she, once again, glanced down at the ground so she wouldn't make eye contact with anyone, and be caught in a conversation that she didn't want to have.

Mickie's POV

I had only made it a few paces before I heard a squeal of laughter in front of me. The sound had made me glance up. I smiled slightly as I saw three kids running around with food over their faces. But as I went to look down again, my gaze caught with a man I had been trying to avoid all night. My eyes fell upon the man who was the best man at my best friends wedding.

I stood frozen to the spot, my breath catching in my throat. His eyes were glued to me also, a look of shock on his face. It was almost as if he wasn't expecting to see me at the reception, also, it was like he had been trying to avoid me as well.

He looked different, yet, still the same. He had matured more in his face. But his eyes, oh those blue eyes, still remained the same.

He stood just a few feet away from me. My breathing became uneven when I saw him make his way towards me, slowly. With each step he took, my heartbeat increased and my breath would hitch. I was nervous. I hadn't seen him in eight years. What could I say to him?

I almost forgot how much taller he was than me. He towered over me. Which is easy to do, but, I still almost…forgot.

Once he reached me, his eyes gazed around the room before finally resting on me. His piercing blue eyes gazed into mine, and I watched as he licked his lips, almost nervously. If I hadn't been in so much chock that he was here, standing in front of me, I probably would have smiled ; I remember when he used to do that while we were together. He would lick his lips when he had something important to tell me, and something meaningful about…. _us. _

Once he finally spoke, the tone in his voice was so much different to what I remembered. He used to speak to me with so much love, passion and softness. But his voice was filled with nervousness.

"Mickie." he murmured. He stood before me, and I noticed he was tense. But not as tense as I was.

Hearing him say my name made my heart flutter painfully in my chest. Did he know how much my heart still longed for him? Did he know that I, no mater how much I liked it, belonged to him? Did he know how much I still loved him?. He held my gaze, the shock had almost disappeared from his face, it was like he was less and less surprised to see me.

"I didn't think you would come" he spoke. It was more of a statement than anything else. He wasn't the only one that thought I wouldn't show up. Those who had known me a long time never even thought I would show up. Hell! Even my own mother didn't think I would show up to my best friends wedding.

I looked him up and down, examining what he was wearing. He looked good.. Amazing actually. The way he looked in his dark blue button up dress shirt made me slightly smile. He had changed for the reception. He was no longer in his black tuxedo anymore. Instead, he stood before me, a dark blue dress shirt with the cuffs rolled up to his elbows, and a pair of dark wash jeans on. He looked great!.

"You look great…" he whispered, as his eyes examined my body for a brief second.

My eyes closed ; a soft sigh escaped my lips as I remembered the days when he would call me _beautiful. _Even though I never believed that I was every beautiful, he went out of his way every day we were together to tell me and show me.

"Thanks" I smiled, glancing back up into his eyes… "You look great also."

The atmosphere around us suddenly changed. Awkwardness had surrounded us.

My mouth opened and closed. I wanted to say something. But what? What could I possibly say to this man? Someone who has consumed my thoughts for the past eight years. The man who I was unconditionally still in love with. Someone who… well, I knew would never be mine again.

I glanced up to meet his gaze, he quickly averted his eyes to looking to his side at the little boys running around, mud was now covering their white dress shirts. A smile formed on my face thinking about the fun they were having.

No words had been spoken between myself and Randy. We just stood their, my hands clasped together tightly. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans. I waited for him to say something, which I guess he was waiting for me to say something. But all I could think about was Him and I back when we were happy, and everything between us was so surreal. But that was so long ago now. Nearly over eight years.

We were teenagers who fell in love, but once the real life hit me, I ran away, not wanting to deal with anything.

It was obvious we weren't going to say anything, but I still stood there.

"Look.. Mick. It was good seeing you.. But I think im going to-"

"Dance with me" I said. My voice was barely audible over the music, but I knew he heard me. Just by the way his body tensed slightly.

"Mick-" he muttered "I don't think…"

"Just dance with me…" I murmured, taking a step closer to him "Dance with me. _Please_"

He nodded once before placing a hand on my lower back and he lead me to the dace floor. I closed my eyes as I felt his hands on my back, I then tensed a little when his hand clenched into a fist, the material in my dress suddenly got a little tighter.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me in close to him, but not as close as he used to hold me. I blinked away a few tears before letting my hands rest on his upper arm. We swayed back and forth to the slow song that started playing. The awkwardness between us was slowly going away, but a little still lingered in the air. But wouldn't it? After what happened.

After a while, I moved closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and I felt him tense at my action. "Randy.. Just… Just relax.."

It took him a few seconds, but he did just that. His grip tightened around me, and his forehead rested on the top of my head while mine still rested on his shoulder. I breathed in his scent, he smelt of cologne with a hint of peppermint. I smiled, remembering that peppermint was his favorite flavor of gum. He could chew it all day if he wanted.

"I-" I started, but I didn't know how to say this, it would tug at my heartstrings "I-I heard you got married…"

His body instantly tensed, but I rubbed his back soothingly, letting him know that it was fine, well, that's what I wanted him to think.

"Yeah.." came his husky reply, His voice seemed to become a little happier as he said that.

"She's not here…" I whispered, pulling away from him for a split second to quickly glance around the room.

"No…" He shook his head and I placed my head back on his shoulder, forcing the tears to go away. "She stayed home with the twins…. Also, Justin and Lay didn't really want her here…"

"Oh.." was all that came out. I knew why they didn't want his wife here, for my sake. They really didn't have to do that. But, a little part of me was happy. But only a little part. "Twins?" I questioned him.

He nodded, I looked up at him and I noticed a smile appear on his face, one which I don't even think he realized he was wearing. "Yeah. Lauree and RJ"

"L-Lauree?" I whispered, my heart broke a little. My middle name, that was the name we were going to call our daughter. We had always talked about it together. Often saying that when we had a daughter, we would name her after me, she could have my Middle name, and if we had a boy, he would be Randy Jnr. I guess he still wanted those names.

"Oh god Mickie.." he whispered "I shouldn't have brought them up…"

"Lauree?" I questioned once again. He just merely nodded and I saw guilt flash through his eyes. "After… me?"

He nodded once more. I felt my heart warm a little, but it still didn't numb the pain I felt. The pain I was so desperately trying to hide. "Im sorry…"

I ignored his apology and looked up into his blue eyes "What are they like? The twins?"

"Theyre so great…" he whispered "Lauree has my blue eyes, and Michelles blonde hair. RJ had Michelles eyes and my hair. They turned three last month"

I nodded, my heart ached at the sound of his wife, but warmed when the smile off his face wouldn't disappear at the slight mention of his children. My head then fell against his chest and I felt the tears form in my eyes. My body started shaking a little as the tears that I had been holding back, fell from my eyes.

His arms were instantly around me, pulling me in close. He was whispering comforting words into my ear. But none of those soft words were the ones I wanted to hear. Not once did he whisper _I love you. _

"Shh.. Mick.. Its gonna be okay.." he mumbled, his hand was rubbing my back soothingly, while his warm breath was on my neck "Im sorry…"

For a moment, I just stayed in his arms, he was holding me closer now, so, so close. I would stay like this forever if I had the choice. "You have nothing to be sorry about…"

"Yes I do Mickie.. I-I…" he began, but I placed a finger on his lips, silencing him from his apology. He did not need to apologize to me, I needed to apologize to him.

Slowly taking my finger off his lips I opened my mouth to speak "Im sorry…" I breathed out "Im so sorry for just leaving, im so sorry for not letting you come with me. I-Im sorry for everything…"

"Mickie…"

"No Randy…" I said, I placed my hand on his cheek, his eyes closed at the soft touch of my hands, and I could have sworn he leant into my hand, but I may have been mistaken. "You wanted to come with me, but I wouldn't let you. No matter how much I loved you, I-I couldn't let you throw away your dreams for this place Randy…"

He removed my hand from his face, and his hand gripped my wrist softly, almost as if he was telling me it was okay.. His blue eyes softened, and I thought I saw tears lingering in them.

"I-I love you Randy…" I whispered, I almost thought he didn't hear. "I still love you. So, So much. But youre happy now, you are so happy, I can tell, and im sorry that I put you through the pain you felt."

He just stared at me, his hand had released my wrist, and his eyes bored into my own. It was then he pulled me in for a tight hug, his head was in the crook of my neck, and my head was on his shoulder. My arms instinctively went around his waist, and he pulled me in so tight. My tears stained his shirt, and my cries were muffled by his shoulder.

"You have always had my heart Randy…" I whispered, so soft that I knew he wouldn't be able to hear. "You always have…"

"God Mickie.. I-I.. y-you still love me?" He breathed into my ear, his voice sounded almost pained "God Mickie.. I-I wouldn't have agreed if … Especially since I don't-"

"Please don't" I pleaded with him "Please don't say that. Just-Just.. Please don't tell me that.. _Please"_ My heart broke when he spoke to me, but I didn't want to hear what he was going to say, I don't think my heart could take it anymore. "_Please…"_

I felt him nod before he pulled away, but my head still rested on his shoulder. My memory flashed back to when we were both on the beach, in this exact same position. We had been together for two years and we celebrated it at the beach. I had my head rested on his shoulder while he whispered sweet nothings into my ear.

"Say my name…" I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear..

"Mickie-"

"No…" I cried "Say my name like how you did when you loved me. When we made love for the first time, when we slow danced on the beach… _Please_ say my name like how you did when you loved me… _please"_

His grip tightened around me, his lips moved so they were slightly brushing my ear "_Mickie…"_ He whispers with the exact same love in his voice as the first time he told me he loved me _"Mickie… Mickie…"_

I closed my eyes, imagining for a brief second that we were back on the beach. Once I opened my eyes, I made sure no tears were going to fall again. I turned my head and placed a slight kiss on his neck before pulling away and gripping his hand.

"_Randy…_" I whispered… "I hav-have to go.."

As I turned to leave, I felt Randy tug on my hand, our fingers were intertwined with each other, just like the good times.

"Im sorry Mickie…" he whispered, a tear escaping his eyes "Im so sorry…"

I walked forward and placed my free hand on his cheek "You have nothing to be sorry about Randy, like I said before. Never be sorry. We have memories, and they will always be etched in my mind, till the day I die. Don't be sorry… You be happy, you have a wife and kids, be happy.."

"You two.." he breathed out "Be happy Mickie. Be happy."

"Can I ask you one thing Randy?" I asked "Can I make you promise me something?"

He nodded before he spoke, his voice was hoarse, "Anything…"

"Don't forget me. Please don't forget me, and the memories we had." I cried "J-Just, don't forget me."

"Never…" his free hand reached over to wipe away a few tears that had escaped my eyes "I will never forget you Mickie. Ever…"

"Thank you.." I breathed. I looked down at our hands, which were still interlocked, a small smile spread on my face and I slowly removed my hands from his. No matter how painful it was.

His hand went back to his side, but his other lingered on my face "You promise me something Mickie James…" I just simply nodded, not trusting my voice "Find someone who makes you happy. Someone who you love unconditionally… Someone who loves you more than anything in this entire world"

"I promise I will try.." I whispered, the pain in my voice still audible "I promise I will try"

He just nodded, that was the best he was going to get from me. The best he would get. He knew I would try, I promised him after all.

"That's all I ask.." he whispered. His hand lingered on my cheek for a moment later and he breathed out before pulling his hand away.

"I love you Randy… I loved you.." I smiled, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

"Part of me will always love you Mickie…" he whispered, and I smiled, knowing that it was better than nothing. "Forever…"

"Forever…" I repeated. "Maybe I will see you again someday."

"Most likely…" he smiled, and then his face dropped slightly "You leaving?"

I nodded "B-Back home…" I embraced him in a hug, a few more tears escaping from my eyes "Bye Randy…"

"Goodbye Mickie…" he placed a kiss on the top of my head before letting me go completely.

Without looking back, I made my way through the crowd of people on the dance floor. I then quickly grabbed my purse and made my way for the door. I stopped at the doorway and I risked a glance behind me, only to see him turn back around to face me. I slowly nodded my head in his direction before making my way out the door and down the steps.

Once I reached the bottom of the steps, I sat down and rested my head in my hands. The music from inside drowned out the sounds of my sobs. I then wrapped my hands around my body as I felt the cold start to get to me.

Standing up, I walked towards the house where my car was parked. Not once did I look back.

I felt myself becoming weak, and I knew that it was my time. I had come and made amends with those I loved, those who I still loved.

I detoured from my original spot and made my way towards the beach.

I slipped out of my shoes and left them on the sand as I made my way slowly towards the edge of the water.

A gasp escaped my lips as I felt the coolness of the water around my feet, but I let a small smile approach my lips.

I felt my body start to get weaker and weaker, my breathing started slowing down. I wasn't going to fight this anymore. I was going to let it take me away.

I moved so slowly out of the water, my body slowly became weaker and weaker by the second.

Laying down on the sand, I took in the smell of the beach for the last time, I took in the feel of the sand beneath me, before I let my eyes slip closed.

I was done fighting. I was giving up now.

"My heart will always be yours Randy…"

_X_

_**Please review. Tell me what you think. xx**_


End file.
